Post-Chemo, I Don’t Know What Number

This is hard. There is nothing about our lives that is easy right now. We’re faced with it everyday and have to cope with what life hands us  for that day on top of the cancer. I’m tired. I’m making mistakes that a normal me wouldn’t dream of making. My mind is tired like I’ve never experienced before. There is no way that I can explain to anyone the crazy emotions I feel from minute to minute. Mostly, lately, I’ve wanted to escape – just run away – for like a day. Some runaway I would make. I just need like 24 hours of like straight sleep – cryo comes to mind.  Trent is sick. I hate it. It’s horrible. Gavin says he needs a doctor for everything now. He knows. He says he’s sad sometimes. His dad makes him cry because he’s not the same and doesn’t have the patience he once did.  But then there a great moments and Trent is nearly all the way himself, especially during the chemo break. That was fun and I want more of that time. I let slip to Lily the other day that I no longer have a life and can’t do anything fun anymore when she asked if we could go to the movies. How horrible?! I didn’t mean it, and it was a terrible thing to say to my kid. I need to apologize for that and I need to take her to the damn movie. And I will, but to some degree little things like getting one-on-one time with a kid is impossible. I’m currently writing this blog from a hospital room with Gavin.  He got a hold of one of mom’s blood pressure pills and poison control said to the hospital with him. So, we’re here, he’s fine, having alone time.  So, that it. There is probably a lot more I can say, and probably should say but I care about people’s feelings so I’ll bottle it up to save them. That’s a caregiver for you.

Trent is not feeling well.  This chemo round is bad. He’ll feel better in the next couple of days most likely.  My advice to you is this – regardless of how you feel about his cancer and his healing – have no regrets.

Posted by Adrienne Gibson
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Eating Vegetables and T-Shirt Design

So, I’m rethinking the whole asking people for money thing.  We still need some support, but it doesn’t work and I hate doing it – even if it is through those cute pre-made sites.  I think they are wonderful and they serve a great service and have helped you to help us tremendously, but they’re just not for us.  My friend, Johanna, long ago suggested that I have shirts made to bring attention to our situation, my blog and cancer in general, but I knew I wanted it to say just the right thing – to capture the essence that is Gibson. Here’s the Facebook post that sparked it all:

“I’m a member of several cancer support groups on and off of Facebook. Everyday someone posts something about losing a loved one. EVERYDAY. Does it make me sad? Yes, achingly so. But more than sadness I feel an anger, the depth, height and breadth of which I cannot put into words. This horrible disease robs so many people of so much. Health (physical and mental), safety, family, connection, independence, love, youth, sobriety, sex, childbearing – and this is just a list I came up with off the top. It is astounding to me that we do not have a cure, and in Trent’s case they aren’t even close. The best option is will likely eventually kill you as well. And we’re concerned about what Caitlyn is wearing and who Iggy Azalea is engaged to. We brought this on ourselves with our self-importance, selfishness, carelessness, and lack of empathy, I just know it. Don’t fucking smoke – it’s not just about you – it’s about the people you will leave behind. If I love you and you smoke you better not ever let me see you with a cigarette. Ever. Stop drinking soda – the shit that our country carelessly creates with, no oversight, (ie the FDA) WILL KILL YOU. Mix in a damn green vegetable. We have to do better because THEY will not do it for us. Wake. Up. feeling freaking frustrated and sad and angry and generally FIRED UP!”

So, I’m not perfect.  I’m overweight, but I’m working on it.  I try like hell not to do the things that I know will kill me.  I want the people that I love to do the same.  For some, like Trent, cancer just is.  Lightning strike, as it was referred to by Dr. Goodgame.  But for so many, cancer is COMPLETELY AVOIDABLE.  So, COMPLETELY AVOID IT. Drink water, easy on the alcohol, walk around some everyday, get some sleep, minimize your trips to the drive-thru, stay away from fake food (aspartame, saccharine, margarine, high fructose corn syrup, partially hydrogenated any-oil), grocery shop and when you do shop, shop on the outer part of the store not the inner part of the store, eat organic.  If it doesn’t go bad in about 3 days it’s probably terrible for you.  Basically, Eat a damn green vegetable.

Here’s the lowdown on the shirt itself.  I designed the shirt using the website Teespring.com.  They do all of the manufacturing and distribution.  You simply place the order, pay them 3.99 to ship the shirt directly to you along with the $20 for the shirt and as long as I meet a minimum sales requirement (3 shirts) ALL of the profits will go directly to the Gibson Family wallet to help pay for all of the things a family of 6+1 needs and wants (college, braces, dance class, soccer piano lessons, pants, ect.).  Win win, right?  You get a very cool shirt, you bring awareness to cancer and our family’s plight and I get to feel like I might actually really be doing something about it all.  So, share the link, share the blog, wear the shirt.  It’s that simple.

www.teespring.com/gibsonpartyof6

Trent heads back to chemo on Monday.  We’ll have plenty to keep us busy with Sabrinna’s graduation from high school, school ending for all of us, unpacking after the move and general end of the year shenanigans, but the prospect of another poisoning session looms large over my beloved, I know.  Pray for and think about my mother as she transitions from a house of 1 to a house of 7.  Lord Jesus in Heaven, that woman is headed for sainthood. A special note – I’ll never know just how hard this year truly was on our two oldest, but they finished the year and are moving on to the next stage.  Boy-howdy, they are resilient and tough as hell.  I’m incredibly proud of them both and so grateful and thankful to be their mother and my heart is full of love for those girls and always will be.  They drive me absolutely nuts, but I wouldn’t have it any other way.  They are just like me, God Bless ’em.

IMG_3523 sab and lily lily

I’ve heard from several of you that this blog actually does some good, so follow it if you can, share it if you can.  As always, thank you.

SUPER DUPER SHOUT OUT TO OUR MOVERS THIS WEEKEND!  I WOULD LIST EVERYONE BUT I KNOW THERE ARE SOME PEOPLE I NEVER SAW SO I’LL SAVE MYSELF THE EMBARRASSMENT OF LEAVING YOU OFF THE LIST BY ACCIDENT AND SAY A GENERAL, BUT HEARTFELT, THANK YOU TO EVERYONE!!!

***and another thank you to the people who keep pushing me to do more and be more.  if this is you, and you know who you are, you are very special friends to me and i love you.