I’m exhausted. Yes, because sleep has been scarce these past few days but more so because the events happening in our lives are taking their toll in different ways on everyone. And being Mom, it’s my job to be in tune with everyone so all of the angst, anger, pain, frustration, heartache and sadness tends to collect in my being as well. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, or whatever.
There is just so much to our story that no one knows but he and I – as is often the nature of marriage and cancer. It feels like cancer is winning in ways we couldn’t have ever dreamed. I do believe in prayer. Please pray for my husband. Pray specifically for the strength to battle the demons that haunt him without ceasing. He is weary. We are weary.
I’m still attempting to make time everyday for yoga, prayer and quiet everyday, but it feels like my gas tank has a leak. I can’t fill it fast enough to keep up with the draining demands of this rocky-ass, path that we’re on.
I do find solace in the kids and their resilience, but I do wonder how much this cancer will alter their precious souls. I do see changes in all of them. Anxiety seems to be the root emotion behind a lot of the new out bursts that weren’t happening just a few weeks ago. However, Lily just finished up a camp at which she participated in all manor of art/production culminating in two performances this last weekend entirely created by her and her fellow campers. They did an amazing job and it did my heart such good. I am a very proud mama.
Sabrinna, not pictured above, is still 19.
Trent will begin radiation to shrink the large tumor in his back next week, so there’s totally that to look forward to. He’ll receive treatment Monday through Friday for five to six weeks. Guess what else? They might throw in a little oral chemo too. You know, icing on top. Am I a little cynical? Damn skippy. Changes in treatment are taxing, to say the very least.
I do hope that this post finds you well. If it does not, I’m so sorry. Hang in there, right? That’s what you’re supposed to say? Sounds good. Anyway, all the love I can muster.