I’m exhausted. Yes, because sleep has been scarce these past few days but more so because the events happening in our lives are taking their toll in different ways on everyone. And being Mom, it’s my job to be in tune with everyone so all of the angst, anger, pain, frustration, heartache and sadness tends to collect in my being as well. Heavy is the head that wears the crown, or whatever.
There is just so much to our story that no one knows but he and I – as is often the nature of marriage and cancer. It feels like cancer is winning in ways we couldn’t have ever dreamed. I do believe in prayer. Please pray for my husband. Pray specifically for the strength to battle the demons that haunt him without ceasing. He is weary. We are weary.
I’m still attempting to make time everyday for yoga, prayer and quiet everyday, but it feels like my gas tank has a leak. I can’t fill it fast enough to keep up with the draining demands of this rocky-ass, path that we’re on.
I do find solace in the kids and their resilience, but I do wonder how much this cancer will alter their precious souls. I do see changes in all of them. Anxiety seems to be the root emotion behind a lot of the new out bursts that weren’t happening just a few weeks ago. However, Lily just finished up a camp at which she participated in all manor of art/production culminating in two performances this last weekend entirely created by her and her fellow campers. They did an amazing job and it did my heart such good. I am a very proud mama.
Sabrinna, not pictured above, is still 19.
Trent will begin radiation to shrink the large tumor in his back next week, so there’s totally that to look forward to. He’ll receive treatment Monday through Friday for five to six weeks. Guess what else? They might throw in a little oral chemo too. You know, icing on top. Am I a little cynical? Damn skippy. Changes in treatment are taxing, to say the very least.
I do hope that this post finds you well. If it does not, I’m so sorry. Hang in there, right? That’s what you’re supposed to say? Sounds good. Anyway, all the love I can muster.
6 thoughts on “Seeking Rest, Even Though I Just Returned From Paradise…I know…”
Hi I work with an interventional radiologist. My nephew has a basketball sized tumor in his lower right back- my sister Kathy Riebel has been following your blog. Chris was to start radiation in this massive sarcoma tumor that is out of control. Instead last Week he flew from Austin, where he lives to Raleigh NC where I am. Last Friday the dr I work for. Dr Stephen Loehr did a bland embolization utilizing interventional radiology – fluoroscopy and embozene embolization beads. It kills the tumor from the inside out by shutting off the blood supply. Chris wasn’t able to find anyone in the Austin area who was willing to do this. I checked his tumor yesterday for blood flow within it and it was negative— no blood flow detected. He now has a consult with a sarcoma oncologist with Duke tomorrow. I am keeping my fingers crossed and have now added your husband in my prayers
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you! I’m so glad there are options for your nephew. I wonder if that’s something that could be an option for us…can I ask you what I should do next? I guess contact our oncologist about the procedure. They really all but told Trent there’s really not much more they can do other than try to shrink the large tumor. Does your nephew have mets (hopefully not)? That’s really our biggest problem. Again, thank you for reading and praying. It really gives my heart strength.
Yes he has multiple tumors in his lungs, but the tumor on his back was growing the fastest and causing discomfort. You need to find an interventional radiologist about the procedure. You can ask the oncologist, but don’t be surprised if they have no suggestions. There appears to be a disconnect between cancer doctors and interventional radiologists. We don’t understand it because the embolization procedure was minimally invasive.
Kathy l (Chris’ mom)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Omg, thank you. Do you mind giving me the name of the one your sister works for? I might start there. I’m talking to his rn navigator now. Are you in Austin? Do we know each other? Would you mind meeting with me sometime?
There is an Interventional Radiology Center in Texas associated with Texas Oncology. Don’t know if you have had any contact with them.
There are no words, but know that our hearts reach out to you and your family.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you so much for this information. It would be great if we could stay in Texas. I’m going to contact our RadioOnco to ask them what information they have.